helpful links
**********************************************************************
Name and honor your unborn children
how to plan a baby's funeral
reflections on baby and infant loss
************************************************************************
The mention of my child's name
But it never fails to bring
Music to my ears.
If you are really my friend,
Let me hear the beautiful music of her name.
It soothes my broken heart
And sings to my soul.
~author unknown
***************
Let me hear the beautiful music of her name.
It soothes my broken heart
And sings to my soul.
~author unknown
***************
Sorrow makes us all children again - destroys all differences of intellect. The wisest know nothing.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
***************
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
***************
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
~Kahlil Gibran
***************
What Makes A Mother?
I thought of you all, I closed my eyes
and prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother
and I know I heard him say,
"A Mother has a baby.
This we know is true."
But God can you be a Mother
when your baby's not with you?
"Yes you can!" He replied
with confidence in His voice,
"I give many women babies,
when they leave is not their choice."
"Some I send for a lifetime
and others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb
but there's no need to stay."
"I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat
and then I saw a tear.
"I wish I could show you
what your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
with other children and say.."
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear.
My mommy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here."
"I feel so lucky to have a Mom
who has so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quick
My Mommy set me free."
"I miss My Mommy oh so much
but I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep
on her pillow's where I lay."
"I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
and whisper in her ear,
Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I'm here."
"So you see my dear sweet one,
your children are OK.
Your babies are here in my home
and this is where they'll stay."
"They'll wait for you with me
until your lesson is through.
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates for you."
"So now you see what makes a Mother.
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of
right from the very start."
"Though some on earth may not realize
that you are a Mother until there time is done
They'll be up here with me one day
and know you're the best one."
I thought of you all, I closed my eyes
and prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother
and I know I heard him say,
"A Mother has a baby.
This we know is true."
But God can you be a Mother
when your baby's not with you?
"Yes you can!" He replied
with confidence in His voice,
"I give many women babies,
when they leave is not their choice."
"Some I send for a lifetime
and others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb
but there's no need to stay."
"I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat
and then I saw a tear.
"I wish I could show you
what your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
with other children and say.."
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear.
My mommy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here."
"I feel so lucky to have a Mom
who has so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quick
My Mommy set me free."
"I miss My Mommy oh so much
but I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep
on her pillow's where I lay."
"I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
and whisper in her ear,
Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I'm here."
"So you see my dear sweet one,
your children are OK.
Your babies are here in my home
and this is where they'll stay."
"They'll wait for you with me
until your lesson is through.
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates for you."
"So now you see what makes a Mother.
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of
right from the very start."
"Though some on earth may not realize
that you are a Mother until there time is done
They'll be up here with me one day
and know you're the best one."
***************
Too Soon
This was a life that hardly begun
no time to find your place in the sun
no time to do all you could have done
but we loved you enough for a lifetime
No time to enjoy the world and its wealth
No time to take life down off the shelf
no time to sing the song of yourself
though you had enough love for a lifetime
Those who live long endure sadness and tears
but you'll never suffer the sorrowing years
no betrayal, no anger
no hatred, no fears
Just love, only love in your lifetime..
This was a life that hardly begun
no time to find your place in the sun
no time to do all you could have done
but we loved you enough for a lifetime
No time to enjoy the world and its wealth
No time to take life down off the shelf
no time to sing the song of yourself
though you had enough love for a lifetime
Those who live long endure sadness and tears
but you'll never suffer the sorrowing years
no betrayal, no anger
no hatred, no fears
Just love, only love in your lifetime..
~Unknown
***************
***************
- Do not stand at my grave and weep,
- I am not there, I do not sleep.
- I am in a thousand winds that blow,
- I am the softly falling snow.
- I am the gentle showers of rain,
- I am the fields of ripening grain.
- I am in the morning hush,
- I am in the graceful rush
- Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
- I am the starshine of the night.
- I am in the flowers that bloom,
- I am in a quiet room.
- I am in the birds that sing,
- I am in each lovely thing.
- Do not stand at my grave and cry,
- I am not there. I do not die.
- ~Mary Elizabeth Frye
- ***************
I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes. There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child
- ~Author unknown
***************
The Pit
The day my child died, I fell into the pit of grief. My friends watched me struggle through daily life; waiting for the person I once was to arise from the pit, not realizing "she" is gone forever. The pit is full of darkness, heartache and despair; it paralyzes your thoughts, movements and ability to ration. The pit leaves you forever changed, unable to surface the person you once were.
Some of my pre-grief friends gather around the top of the pit, waiting for the old me to appear before their eyes, not understanding what's taking me so long to emerge. After all, in their eyes, I've been in the pit for quite sometime. Yet in my eyes, it seems as if I fell in only yesterday.
Not all of my pre-grief friends are gathered around the top of the pit. Some are helping me with the climb out of the darkness. They climb side by side with me from time to time, but mostly they climb ahead of me, waiting patiently at each plateau. Even with these friends I sometimes wonder if they are also waiting for the pre-grief me to magically appear before their eyes.
Then there are the casual acquaintances, you know the ones who say, "Hi, how are you?" when they really don't care or really want to know. These are the people who sigh in relief, that it is my child who died and not theirs. You know ... the "better them, than me" attitude.
My post-grief friends are the ones who climb with me, side by side, inch by inch, out of the pit of grief. They have no way of comparing the pit climber to the pre-grief person I once was. You see, they started at the bottom of the pit with me. They are able to reassure me when I need reassurance, rest when I need resting, and encourage me to move forward when I don't have the strength. They have no expectations, no memories and no recollection of how I "should" be. They want me to get better, to smile more often and find joy in life, but they also accepted the person I've become. . . the "person" who is emerging from the pit.
The Pit
The day my child died, I fell into the pit of grief. My friends watched me struggle through daily life; waiting for the person I once was to arise from the pit, not realizing "she" is gone forever. The pit is full of darkness, heartache and despair; it paralyzes your thoughts, movements and ability to ration. The pit leaves you forever changed, unable to surface the person you once were.
Some of my pre-grief friends gather around the top of the pit, waiting for the old me to appear before their eyes, not understanding what's taking me so long to emerge. After all, in their eyes, I've been in the pit for quite sometime. Yet in my eyes, it seems as if I fell in only yesterday.
Not all of my pre-grief friends are gathered around the top of the pit. Some are helping me with the climb out of the darkness. They climb side by side with me from time to time, but mostly they climb ahead of me, waiting patiently at each plateau. Even with these friends I sometimes wonder if they are also waiting for the pre-grief me to magically appear before their eyes.
Then there are the casual acquaintances, you know the ones who say, "Hi, how are you?" when they really don't care or really want to know. These are the people who sigh in relief, that it is my child who died and not theirs. You know ... the "better them, than me" attitude.
My post-grief friends are the ones who climb with me, side by side, inch by inch, out of the pit of grief. They have no way of comparing the pit climber to the pre-grief person I once was. You see, they started at the bottom of the pit with me. They are able to reassure me when I need reassurance, rest when I need resting, and encourage me to move forward when I don't have the strength. They have no expectations, no memories and no recollection of how I "should" be. They want me to get better, to smile more often and find joy in life, but they also accepted the person I've become. . . the "person" who is emerging from the pit.
