its thursday

how about a tasty?

i made a whole (organic, i know, still sorry, ashley) in my crockpot! i just tossed it in there this morning with salt and pepper and parsley, no liquid and put it on low. this is what it looked like after 10 hours. i dunno, i feel like it needs a lil time under the broiler? i will probably make stock with the bones and juices later. i hope it tastes good - it was too easy!

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we saw our lawyer last night to get some of our affairs in order. yes, T may be going away for a long time. no, it's not jail and no, im not ready to talk about it yet. but we had some papers drafted up. power of attorney for me, advanced health directives for both of us. (resuscitate! please!) 

our lawyer is my mom's very good friend, so i knew a little of his background. namely that he is an adoptive parent, and that his first adopted child died of a brain tumor aged one or two years old. of course i was so ingrained in what we were talking about last night, ( which was some pretty heavy stuff) that i totally forgot all of this when i asked him to recommend a good adoption lawyer. he did and then went on to give us some insight into the agency we plan to use, having been through it twice. 

he spoke of his son and how it took five years for them to bring him home. this was more than 15 years ago so i am hoping for a shorter timeline, but who knows. he said that they never would have gone back to adopt again if they hadn't lost him. 

he said that when your child dies you don't just stop being parents.

he said that they wouldn't have tried for another adoption because they wouldn't have wanted to be greedy and would have wanted to give another couple a chance. 

that's pretty classy, man.
 

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next on the list is getting our IVF consents notarized so that i can do a fresh cycle (or eight) while T is possibly away. the lawyer did sign them but stamped only, and the RE's office said NO WAY is that acceptable, which i think is kind of dumb, but whatever. 

i have an OB appt with a new doctor august 23. i plan to pick her brain my possible pregnancy after loss, and how the eff she plans to keep me that way. i plan to get a god damn pap smear which i hate but need for IVF. crap.

i made my WHAT THE FUCKING HELL appointment for august 30. first appointment of the day, baby, that's how i roll.

i want to cycle in october, barring any issues with my pap (would be just like my cervix to act up now).

my girls were born in october. my original plan, after freakingout ten days after i had them and calling the RE for an immediate cycle date, was to wait a year, in their honor.

so we will be going kinda sorta back to plan A. 

plan B sucked balls.

i hope it works

hope

hope

hope

it works 

ps: my IRL friend is pregnant (!) after her 8th injection cycle/1st IVF say a lil prayer for her, would ya?

i won't lie and say it didn't sting a little bit, but not because im not happy for her, i am extremely so! 

it actually has nothing to do with her. it's just that my brain is jealous of pregnancy, i can be reading a book and hear one of those commercial disclaimers "do not take if you are or plan to become pregnant" from a mile away *sigh* i know from the comments on my last post that you guys get it...and i reeeaaaallly can't wait for her and her awesome hubby to have their baby. i hope they get to know and hold the joy of parenthood.