help

being a part, however small, of a community is a lovely thing. for me, finding a place in the ALI community came at a time when I couldn't need it more and made such a difference in my little world. i started blogging because i thought IVF was going to be the most stressful time of my life. i was convinced that it was going to be a terrible cross to bear, hard on my marriage and my body. i really could not even fathom the turn that my life and my reason to write would take.

i didn't keep up with blogging in the beginning because i was so surprised at how mellow the IVF was. i didn't end up with a whole bunch of pent up emotion to get out or overwhelming stress to discuss. now i will be the first admit that is not the easiest thing you can put your body through, though most of the negative response to medication came after the transfer for me. but it was so worth it, and as i mentioned before, we enjoyed it as much as we could. we held on to the blessings of being able to even pay for a cycle, and the realization that it wasn't as bad as we thought it was going to be.

hell, i used to belong to one of those pre-and-post pregnancy sites and on my homepage i wrote "stage 4 endometriosis and we are avoiding IVF at all costs!!!"


why? i ask my former naive self--why did it scare you so? was it the needles, the hormones? i can only remember a fear of the unknown. and of course the needles! 
who likes needles? not me! and i remember crying as we watched the video for the first time, after our informational session with the meds nurse. 
i was scared of the injections. 
i was worried about the pain. 
let me tell you girls, the ouch of a tiny needle once or twice a day is NOTHING compared to the emotional sting of 36, 48, 60+ negative pregnancy tests.  
IVF can't hold a candle to the horror of repeat loss and failed medicated cycles. it can't equal the ache of not being able to do what your body is fucking supposed to do so easily, what others pay doctors to help them prevent for god's sake.

it is a beacon of hope for those who are lucky enough to get to try it. i am so very grateful for the ability to have done it, and i am amazed that one day, i will be able to do it again. i am fortunate to live in a time where ART is something that is almost commonplace. it is mostly a widely accepted form of family building. it helps people like and unlike me have a chance at a family. if i was my age 30 or 40 years ago i would have lived childless. 

so newbies, don't be afraid of IVF or its lovely counterparts. they are most definitely your friends. thank the president, no matter what your political affiliation, for approving the practice of stem cell research, as one day it WILL benefit you or your son or daughter, niece or nephew in a way you could never imagine.

i never imagined i might need science in order to help me have a baby, and who knows? it might never work again, but in ART there is a hope, an opportunity for us all.
if we can afford it.
for us, it is the sweet induction into a new insurance plan that will fund our next try. getting fired may have just been a blessing in disguise.

so i came into this community finding out in real time what a wonderful experience IVF can be if you let it. i wanted to shout it from the rooftops. IT DOES'T HURT THAT BAD!!! LOOK! WE ARE MAKING OUR BABIES! and we did. and even if none of them ever sleep in a crib in my house, they were/are still a little bit of me and my husband that exists where there was none. and some days that has to be good enough.

now, ART isn't the only way to build a family, as you may have been told by the "JUST ADOPT" camp. though most of us want to tell these people to shut the fuck up, adoption is never something that T and i have ruled out. and im certain that even if your response is the same, you still bristle at the mention of how you should just adopt instead of trying ART. did anyone tell these assholes to adopt instead of getting pregnant naturally? i may just start to make a point...
and did anyone ever tell these people how HARD it is to adopt??

but lord, the support needs to be there no matter what you try. building a family is stressful even under the best circumstances.

anyway i guess my bottom line is how blessed i feel to be a part of this community. i may not have needed you to get me through IVF but oh how i needed you and you were there when i lost my girls. i can't ever thank you enough. the mutual support and love is just an awesome thing to be a part of. ive been so slacking lately but please know that i keep up with all of you daily on my phone and just have been so busy i haven't been commenting. but i will always continue to pay forward all the help and kindness that i have been shown through the comments and emails i have received.

someone i know who needs your support right now is bonnie over at i can haz bebe?. she and her husband kyle are trying to adopt from africa. they are illustrating the frustration and hope of the adoption process. i am soaking up every bit of their story because one day i may be going through the same thing. i thank them for sharing their journey.

bonnie and kyle had a shitty 2009 when the birth mother of their little boy changed her mind after he was born, leaving them in all sorts of limbo and anguish. these two are so sweet and they were able to regroup, gather some strength, and plow on through the minefield of IF. high five B and K, you guys are an inspiration!

so B and K have set up a raffle to help fund their adoption which is going to cost somewhere in the range of 50 million dollars or thereabouts. please drop by and put some cash into their CHIPIN fund. (powered by paypal) 
if you do you will have a chance to win a blankie made by yours truly!! there is a picture over there of a blanket i made for our good friends' two year old. i am giving the winner the choice of color and pattern.

good luck bonnie and kyle!