you see, my first instinct was to say what can i do?
though i didn't say that, i couldn't manage much more than oh, no oh, no no no. im so very sorry.
because the feeling, hot and angry and loud was: oh, god, please tell me i can do something to ease her pain. even as i know that there is nothing for me to do, nothing for anyone to say that will help too much, the desire to ease some of her suffering was present and immediate.
i ache for her, and i fully realize that i understand nothing of what she feels. nothing. not a bit. i just know nobody deserves that kind of pain. nobody. and today i understand better how it feels from the other side, and im sorry, just so sorry for all of us that we have to live in a world where babies die.
i sent her a few heartfelt texts after i pulled myself out of the shock, telling her how he will always be with her, she will always be his mom, and not to forget to talk to him because that will keep him near. i told her i love him and that i love her. i felt the hesitation before i pressed send. now i know the feeling of not being sure what im saying is right, or will be welcomed. but i know enough about how i felt to imagine that hearing (reading) sweet words and words of love about her baby would never be wrong.
this is not the world i wanted to grow up into. i wanted to see little E grow up in my world. im sending him hugs and kisses on the breeze right now. i hope they find him sweet and soft and peaceful.
he was a little doll. a snuggly bunch of love. i was so lucky to hold him and give him kisses and a bottle and change his diaper.
ill never ever forget him...today i weep for him and his mother and father, and one day i'll be feeling him in the sunlight.
13 comments:
I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your friends baby. I'll be keeping you both in my thoughts.
I'm so sorry, and so sorry for your friend. My heart goes out to her--I can't imagine the pain she's feeling.
Tears.. just as hot and angry as yours. Another child has died and another mother is about to enter this terrible club. I'm sending a prayer to this family.
So sad. All of you are in my thoughts.
This is awful. There are no words and you're right, no one should feel this pain.
I am so sorry for your friend. I cannot imagine her pain. I will pray for her and keep her and her sweet baby in my thoughts.
Oh my gosh I am so sorry to hear this. I cannot imagine the intense pain your friend and her family must feel. So so frightening and sad. Best wishes...
I'm so sorry about your friend's son. How utterly horrible.
I know you know a lot of this stuff already, sadly, but I recently ran across Gwendomama's post on what to do after the loss of an infant; it saddens me that I so soon have the opportunity to pass it along. In case anything in here may be of value (I think it will require cutting and pasting because of the way the blog comment breaks it up across 2 lines) -- http://gwendomama.blogspot.com/2008/08/when-children-die-what-to-do-or-say-or.html
the sadness ripples through my body just reading this. it is unimaginable. i am praying for your friend and her family. and for baby enzo. and for you. i hope there is some peace in this incredible loss.
I am so sorry for her loss. I will pray for her and her family.
thank you all so very much. when the time is right, i will pass along your sentiments.
thank you alexicographer so very much
for sharing that information
it's hard when even we, the ones who "know", dont know what to say... thinking of you and your friend...
I remember you posting about both of you being pregnant at the same time. How very sad, there are no words. My heart breaks for her and her family. I will send up a prayer for peace to find a way to comfort her.
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