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j lo is on SNL and i want to punch her in the face. just sayin.

a long, long time ago when i was in the depths of my sorrow, debbs at a girl, a guy and a tumour nominated me for a beautiful blogger award. i didn't even know debbs or her asshole tumor existed at that point, and i found out from my sitemeter telling me people were coming over from her site. imagine my delight to find out that this lovely lady had said some totally sweet things about me and my writing and i had NO CLUE. talk about a pleasant surprise! you should head on over to her place...it's fun there! 
though i need to get her to tell me who pays her to read books. hmmm...


so today as i was looking through my reader i realized it was a little sparse. i hope everyone is having an awesome weekend. we had a busy day. i went to get my hair cut to look nice for my new job on monday. (ahhh!) i have been getting my hair cut by the same person for let me see...14 years. (holy shit!) and she and i were pregnant at the same time. anyhow i got to meet her beautiful 6 week old little boy today and we had a heart to heart about all that has happened since i last saw her on oct 16th. that day is so clear in my mind. we both had these giant bellies and we hugged the best we could and rubbed each other's tummy. 
she cried a little today when i told her the story and she was just so sweet about the whole thing. she told me she felt like she had been punched in the stomach when she got my text. she's one of the people who knew what to say that day. today she told me she didn't think it was fair for her to not even be trying for a baby and end up with one, and for me to try so hard and to fall so short. i mean how many people say something like that? and my response, it's life. it's my life and i have to move on and get healthy so i can have healthy babies one day. and as i fed her little one a bottle, life went on...

life went on and T helped my mom put up a cabinet and we went shoe shopping. i got 4 new pairs of shoes for work and they are so cute! then we went out to dinner with T's parents and i had the most disgusting plate i have ever seen served to me. it was supposed to be tilapia and clams in a light red sauce. it was gross. T and i made up different silly names for it on the way home. i think placenta fish was one of them. oh, and endo platter.

im laughing with my husband again.

i feel better than i have felt in 4 months. it's not just the medication. i felt better the minute i left the doctor. i guess having someone tell me that it was understandable and at the same time that it was truly unhealthy to be feeling the way i was really helped me to process what a very bad place i was in. i was in a very. very. dark place. now i see light. im making jokes again, im caring about my looks. im praying this comfort lasts. it will be some time before i am totally myself again, or the new and improved version, but im getting there and that feels so nice.