ouch

i wanted to explain what i posted yesterday. celine dion was on oprah at 1 am and she is one of the few celebrities that i know of who is upfront about using ART in her family building (i guess i have to include giuliana depandi now?)

oprah asked celine about the 'miscarriage' she had earlier this year, which from what i read sounded more like a clinic error, but what do i know? and im in no mood to go searching for an article on this poor woman's misfortune.

so there she was, sitting in front of millions of people with all the composure in the world and oprah asking her how it made her feel. i bet she wanted to kick oprah in the stomach while punching her in the throat simultaneously and say 'THAT'S NOT EVEN CLOSE, BITCH!' or 'CE N'EST PAS AGREABLE CONNASSE!' yup, 5 years, can you tell?
or burst into tears and collapse into oprah's lap mumbling something about life not being fair.

but in the end she was classy about it and told oprah that's life and the way things go sometimes. she also mentioned that it happens to many people, they just aren't unlucky enough to have their business plastered across newspapers and ahem brought up by talk show hosts.

then celine told oprah she is on her 5th try for a baby, (im not sure if her son rene' is included in that,) and that the 5th time is going to work! she was so gracious and sweet and positive. on tv anyway.

anyway, after her interview, oprah had the canadian tenors on and they sang their cover of the song 'hallelujah.' and halfway through, celine came out and surprised them. (youtube had the video from oprah but it wouldn't play, so this is just them with no celine) i guess they are fans or something, i missed that part. but the song was just so sweet and peaceful, just what i needed to hear. my life has been lacking in the peace department.

so i thought i would share that with my dear friends inside the computer, so many of them could use a tranquil moment as well.

im not in a good place. im going to go see a doctor soon and not the lady junk kind.
a brain doctor. im a mess. i definitely have PPD and i think i may even have a dash of PTSD. i need to sleep at night and wake in the morning like a normal person again. i need, somehow, to come to terms with my empty arms and my aching heart. i hurt more than i ever though a person could.

this week would have been 36 weeks of pregnancy. that's when my obgyn told me the babies would probably arrive.

valentine's day babies that aren't coming.

there's no tasty for today yesterday, so crack open a cherry pop tart and try not to finish the whole box.