angel

as some of you may know, i have been waiting on pins and needles for the records from my hospital stay. 

i called and called and got the runaround for a long while. finally last week i said 'look, my babies died. i need to know why so i can try again. i can't try again if i don't know why.'*

* i said this with the full understanding that i may never know why

finally someone wanted to help, maybe it was the dead baby comment that got her, maybe she heard the despair in my voice. it doesn't matter what moved her to help me through all of this, she was wonderful. she explained to me why they were waiting for a doctor to sign off and on which part of the chart. she vowed to track him down, saying  "we've had your records for long enough and you need to know."
she kept in touch. she answered my calls. she helped. 

it worked.

my records are going to be put in the mail tomorrow. in a few short days i will be able to pore over the minutia of the worst three days of my life. hopefully in the end i will know a little more than i do right now.


thank you natasha, you have allowed me to take the first step towards peace and closure

 just felt like a little music today