ugh

frustrated today.

first of all blogger wont let me upload photos all of a sudden which stinks because i was working on an image-loaded post

secondly, i woke up to an email from an old friend who works at my obgyn office. we were never really that close, just hung out at the bar together when we were younger.
we don't keep in touch that often, but she was always there to help when i needed copies of my last HSG, laproscopy etc.

she was writing to ask about how my pregnancy was going...

it's going well, no? no. not well. i felt bad telling her, bad that she asked.
im sorry to tell people of my misfortune, how does that work?

maybe if that office wasn't such a bunch of pricks she'd have known what was up. anyway she was beyond sweet and it was nice to hear from her, from somebody! it seems that when people don't know what to say, they just don't say anything. and that sucks!

next up was calling the hospital to see if there has been any change on the status of my records. apparently they are waiting for a doctor to sign off on them or something so that they can send me and my RE a copy. i understand that this is protocol, but i need those records. i have to know what happened. im praying its something simple and clear, not inconclusive.
even though i understand, waiting and having to keep calling is really depressing me. its just a constant reminder that my babies died. no, i wont forget once i have my records, but it will be easier to plan and move forward.

thats what is killing me now, no plan. i need a plan.

oh yeah and this extra 10 pounds is also frustrating. im 5 feet tall and i weigh only 5 pounds less than when i was 5 months pregnant with twins. i lost lots of weight quickly after they were born, but it looks like someone is an emotional eater, and damned if cookies don't make me feel a little bit better.