hope springs eternal

every month, i think:

this could be the one!

i could be the stuff of infertile urban legend!

here's our chance!

we still try (well, i do, not sure if T thinks about it) despite the years of trying to no avail, the operations, the doctor's reports of twists and turns and adhesions and scarring. i don't know why i do, it just comes naturally to me.

every month, if only for a few moments or days, i feel like i still have the same chance that every fertile girl does. its CRAZY, but true, and it makes me feel like kind of an idiot.

i think this is a little bit of my spirituality showing through. even though i have been told that it is really not possible that we could get pregnant naturally, i still believe in the chance.
every. month.

i know that it wasn't just my doctor who knocked me up. it can't just be menopur, ganerelix, hcg and valium manipulated by a skilled hand. that can't the only thing that makes it work. every baby comes with a tiny push from someplace else. a bit of magic, a little je ne sais quoi.

there is an unknown in all of this and this i believe...

...shiny, sparkly souls, pure love, sunlight, a drop of rain, a piece of bright blue sky, and two rainbows.

that's what my babies will be made of.

but this, folks, is not my miracle month.

xoxo